Already?

It is so hard to believe that the holiday season is upon us already. I am truly stunned. Been blissfully buried in the process of rehearsing and performing The Memory of Water by Shelagh Stephenson. I had an intuition that this show was going to be the play of the season here in ABQ. My hunch proved correct by all accounts of theater goers and reviews. Check out Christie Chisholm's review in the ABQ Alibi by clicking here. So proud so proud so proud.

Another highlight of this year has been rekindling my chops as a teacher of acting. Haven't really done it in years but realized that my MFA was sort of curdling from lack of use... so out it came at Sol Acting Academy. I was literally on my way to Target to buy my new uniform... red shirt, khaki pants... to start training as a barrista in their Starbucks when the email came that Laura Mathis was looking for instructors. Whew. That was a close call. As grateful as I am to Target for offering me a job, working in my field is just... well... better.

The classes are amazing. People's talent just bowls me over. Sometimes its that turning point in the process where you see them simply and quietly slip into character without a trace of self consciousness or outside awareness... they just become part of the moment unfolding in the scene... having a real experience right there in front of us... Or the moment of complete mayhem in the midst of an improv when nobody knows what's going on, when suddenly the right lines, actions and behaviors burst forth bringing the whole scene to a hilarious conclusion. In both cases its that present moment awareness that swings the door wide to total immersion in the creative process.

And lucky me... I get to do it all again next year... only more so ...

Wishing you a blessed holiday season!

One of my new head shots from Kyle Zimmerman Photography ~ check out the rest at Pictage!

Dreams do come true

I first started this blog in March of 2009, while taking steps to reacquaint myself to the craft of acting after a 7 year hiatus. Since then, I have done ten projects. Four plays, two TV shows, and four films. I am beyond happy about this...

Today I am writing to celebrate having booked and filmed my first feature film role to work with a really interesting group of people. For me, it was a dream job, playing a woman of authority with sixteen (16) pages of dialogue in five scenes with the star of the film, the amazing Katia Winter. Five pages is a lot for a person who has only done a handful of day player roles. Sixteen pages of good dialogue is stunning. Its an Elevated Horror Film based in fact... check it out here... The Banshee Chapter.  I hope you like scary films.. this is one mofo of a scary movie. In a good way mind you. ;-)

I've been trying to write about the experience for almost a month, and have found myself in such a contented, non-reflective space that its been hard to find words or actually the inclination. Just been enjoying the ride.

In the first audition, I challenged my self to slow down. Take my time. Do all the things that Basil Hoffman talked about in his workshop. Put into gear the way I would approach a first reading of a theater piece. Connect, focus. etc. so the call back with director/writer Blair Erickson and producer Corey Moosa was a blast, because the note was - step on each others lines. Interrupt. have fun. Them's r notes I know how to take!

Couple of days past and the call from Lynette at O' Agency came while I was in an AA meeting. I had my phone turned off but half way through the meeting I got this warmth in my heart chakra and felt this giggle starting to well up inside. I was sitting with an old friend who was visiting from LA. I thought must be something about hanging out with pals from early sobriety... but it kept happening. I had to stifle it a couple of times. Of course, when I turned on the phone, there was the message. I had the offer from Before the Door Productions and Sunchaser Entertainment to play Olivia Kmiec in Blair Erickson's The Banshee Chapter.

I felt this calm come over me. Like a sort of "ahhhh.... " of satisfaction and happiness. I guess the best word for it is reassurance. Just felt so nice. More about the experience of shooting my scenes in a later post... with pictures too!

First Rehearsal

It's such a great thing. That first table read. A bit terrifying as we all do the getting to know you thing. Finding each other in this new space. Building this new world. But then, the scripts come out and the words start to flow. The characters begin to emerge as the rhythms and senses start to kick in to gear.


I am honored to be joining Camino Real Productions production of Rancho Pancho under the direction of Diane Malone. The play is a beautiful insight into the life of Tennessee Williams as seen through the eyes of his long time companion Pancho Rodriguez. Carson McCullers pays a steamy visit, and Margo Jones appears as well. Tennessee is played by Santiago Candelaria, Pancho by Benny Briseno, Carson is played by Tina Puglisi and I have the great pleasure of portraying Margo Jones.

Margo was the brains and much of the time the brawn behind the early development of regional theater as we know it today. What a thrill to dig into her life and thought process. There's a great video about her if you are interested, dear reader, called Sweet Tornado. I can't wait to see it.

Her directing credits included Summer and Smoke premier, Inherit the Wind's premier and the unveiling of Dark at the Top of the Stairs. What an ear for really good scripts. I hope some of her abilities rub off on me!

Audio Blog

Wonder of wonders... last week I was in Santa Fe for the first of four weeks of training as a facilitator of monologue work based on the work of my friend Tanya Taylor Rubenstein. I am really really really excited about the process and the opportunities. It is the perfect marriage (I know, I already have one...) between my life as a performing artist and the nagging feeling that I would also like to be doing more in the world.

Julia Cameron brought the 12 steps to those who had no 12 step program to turn to but needed one with her Artists Way. I am viewing this adventure as a means to bring all the meaning and value of actor training to those who only want to visit that particular ledge for a short time, rather than taking up residence there.

Here is an audio link to an essay that I did a while ago, talking about my entry into this path. Give it a listen and let me know what you think. Its less than five minutes long.

Click here for my Audio Essay about my Struggle with the Art vs Therapy question

Happy listening...

swear to god...

I will get better at posting regularly. It seems that every post starts that way. But now I am determined.

Since starting this blog a few years ago, I have been extremely lucky to find that the acting career I love is reciprocating ... a lot.

I am now 53 and the labyrinth has been filled with new adventures, amazing new colleagues and opportunities. I am continually amazed at how the universe responds when you surrender to your heart path and follow its lead.

2011 is providing two plays, a web series (Cyphers - awesome), and now adding teaching to the list.
Its been 7 years since I was in studio leading a class. And this is my first with teens, so its taking a bit of stretching the old brain cells into a more flexible and inspired place but the kids are incredible talents. The adult class is amazing, too. Such courage and grace!

In the coming weeks I'll be checking in with updates about the solo workshop I am taking with Tanya Taylor Rubenstein, as well as our rehearsals for Rancho Pancho (for which I am now a red head) about Tennessee Williams in ABQ.

Look for me here... I swear to god...

all's well

Well a lot has happened in the five months that I have gone missing from the Blogosphere! I shall keep it brief here and start posting regularly with more details...

First off, I was indeed accepted in to Solofest 2010 at the Filling Station. The Bark & the Tree was selected as one of the festival openers on Friday night, along with Linda Rodeck’s Action Improv piece. We had a great house of close to 50 people. Linda’s piece was brilliant. It was a mode of working that I had never seen used as solo performance. It is truly compelling work. All the plays through out the festival were fantastic.

The premier of my solo piece was very well received. I was so involved in the process of getting it finished, rehearsed and produced that it was a bit of a wild ride to the last. The first performance felt emotionally connected and informed, the second show, the following week at the end of the fest, felt like a runaway train. The staging by Eb Lottimer was active and served the piece well and greatly helped the mission of getting the play up and running.

I later performed the play in Taos, to two sold out houses of friends and Art of the Song listeners at the Metta Theatre. Bruce MacIntosh creates a lovely intimate room for performance that is beautifully suited to solo performance work. It was there that the truth of the play began to show its self. After a delicious week of rehearsal, all by myself in this delightful theater, the text became more grounded and home-like.

And it was there that I took the risk of Stillness. Stillness on stage can be terrifying for both the actor and the audience. If the actor is not completely engaged in their thought process during the Stillness, the audience will become unsure, believing ultimately that something is amiss. As a performer, I chose to go for The Stillness because in some instances I simply had to stop, think about where I was, and how I felt about it. I owed it to the play somehow, to take time with the events and give them air. The fearsome thing is that it become too self involved, tipping the balance into a wallow of self reflection.

Feedback relayed that the pace was just right, that the silence allowed the audience to catch up and dig in a little deeper. Whew.

more news... I am shooting a pilot for ABC Family this week, playing Coach Lee, coach of the tennis team in The Lying Game, a new TV series based on a book by Sara Shepard featuring Helen Slater. ;-)

Gusty Winds May Exist

Its amazing to me how easy it is to slip into the feeling that once you are blown off course, you have a long road back. Glory hallelujah. I discovered that isn't true. Getting blown off course is sometimes be an important part of the process. Its taken 18 years to understand and accept that.

I am so excited to say that I have a 28 page script in hand!

The main gift of this process has been to allow myself the freedom to be a creative without the pressure of thinking that I need to be something or somewhere else.

I am ready to begin the rehearsal process. I also need to find a lighting designer, and start picking music. Meeting today with Lynn Miller to start the process of how to stage, and where to apply for performance gigs.

I am now a playwright of sorts. What a great feeling.

Visualize Good Housekeeping's gold medallion here...

Why is it so difficult to allow time for the creative process? Is it that I am afraid of what I will hear when I get quiet enough to listen to what my inner voice is saying? Is it that I feel guilty taking time away from my company that sorely needs me to show up and figure out ways of making money for it (and consequently me and John...) Or is it that I am truly an unmotivated person with no real ideas about what to write?

All of the above and I think the latter statement is the voice that I am afraid to hear when I get quiet. As my beloved sister says - the fear of being No Talent Scum. When she says that, I want to tackle her and hold my hand over her mouth, or plug my ears and scream "LALALALALA i'm not listen to you"... It feels like an afront to all that is holy in the Law of Attraction. "No," I cry..."you are inviting "No Talent" and certainly "Scum" into this sacred studio space!" I enter into a downward spiral of demands that lead to less and less worthy behaviors, that must be met for my plummeting self-esteem in its dark journey to feel vindicated...See I was right... I really am Not Good. In turn I spend more time in the company of folks that love to dig around in the muck with nothing much good to say. (though today I had lunch with Three Wonderful Women and feel very upheld!)

These episodes are usually triggered by a moment when I am confronted with my own frailty. Today I acknowledge that I am feeling really fragile. In being an artist there is an inherent need for approval yet I must also be capable of spending hours upon hours alone in my studio doing what it is that I have stated I am... Actress & writer. The only approval I need is my own. Yes, I am writing this show. Yes, I do not feel up to the task. Yes, my story is meaningful, even if only for me... yes, yes and yes again.

It is 3:30 pm on Tuesday. My beloved stepson left this morning, and there were calls that I should have not taken and a lunch I could have postponed to a non-Eva day...

So at this late hour in the day, I sit down and at least got this much down. I am available for these next three hours. And unlike my need for a Seal of Approval saying how picture perfect I am, I shall write for a while untamed.

*** updated at 7:00 pm ... Three pages written... feeling pretty darn good about it too...***

The Lynn's have it!

Its been a hectic week. One that while not conducive to sitting and writing, it has produced some really valuable things.

First and probably most importantly is that having my Tues/Thurs boundary breached by Art of the Song work and travel days, I have reinforced them with a certain strength of mind and conviction.

Second, and also most important given the opportunity, I have spoken with a couple of insightful people about the project and the conversations have led to an expanded sense of what the piece can become.

Third, and most daunting is that I have committed to having something ready to show at the Filling Station's SOLO fest in July... yes of 2010. I haven't promised something FINISHED. Just something.

I start Lynn Miller's class with two other solo artists on Monday, which will kick it into a whole other gear entirely. Exciting...

Until yesterday, I was really looking at this as an historical piece dealing specifically with Eva's experience. If I do that, I might as well write fiction as so little is known about her other than her poetry and a few journal pages that have been found.

But last night I was visiting with my friend Lynn Hamrick and started telling her some of the stories and experiences I had on my first trip to Ireland. My trip was filled with some hilarious experiences... well in hindsight funny but at the time... kind of a mind f*#&. She leaned forward and looked at me intensely and said, "You have to include ALL of this!"

Eva had great faith and conviction. And loyalty. I had no faith, my convictions were misplaced and loyalty was something that I knew very little about. So the confluence of the two energies created a vortex. It feels right to explore it...

taking small steps...

funny thing about being an actor and a radio host... I am really shy about putting my work out for people to see. So in an effort to lose that self sabotaging shyness I am posting an audition here that I did for a really neat film called A Christmas Snow that required we audition through YouTube and FaceBook... I wish I could get the thumbnail to change... its wicked goofy...



let me know what you think...

Oh is that what you meant...

I took a workshop this weekend with Jane Jenkins and Janet Hirshenson. I went in with no expectations and guess what! I wasn't disappointed. The experience sort of ripened on me today... mulling over what the feedback was:

You have to get rid of this tentative quality if you are going to really dive into the deep end of the pool...

It resonated... but not really until just now. I see it so clearly. I am always testing the waters and checking myself from simply fully committing to choices. So what I thought was a lukewarm comment about a scene, was a gem of observation from some of the best in the business.

How lucky am I?

seeking perfection in an imperfect art form...

We just finished the second week of our run with The Love Song of J Robert Oppenheimer. Its really cool to feel it maturing and relaxing into a groove. We all know where the changes are, there is no more sense of low grade panic backstage. Its been replaced with a sense of timing and flow.
There's a thing that happens in the theater now ... the air gets a dense feeling to it, as if it has a texture. Every performance is different... carrying with it the emotions and feelings of each cast member.

For that reason, I think its an imperfect art form. Doesn't seem to be possible to "Do It Right." You can say the words in the right order, get on stage at the same time every night, always do the blocking and the physical business that has been planned, but its never the same. Its always evolving, opening and closing, deepening and moving on... That's what makes it so exciting. The dynamic between two performers is always compelling and always a bit different. As much as I want to hit the same notes every night, they are always colored with a slightly different hue, depending on what I have going on... The beauty is, its seems to add depth to the characters.

I have gotten over my fears of total and abject failure. The key was trust. Trusting that I am growing and developing the character, with in the parameters of the directors vision, but growing none the less.

Wondering what is going to happen after closing... no show lined up... probably need a break... do I want one... nope.

All's well that ends well...

We close Passenger on the Ship of Fools tonight. Its been an amazing and humbling experience.

The good news is I have fallen in love with acting again.

Our great friends Kelly and Michael were here last evening and we talked about the play in detail. I portray Katherine Anne Porter between the ages of 40 and 65 or so as well as several other characters that factored in her short stories and in her life, including her grandmother and her father. Many of the changes happen quickly and on stage, though the transition to Hemingway... yes, that Hemingway... does get the benefit of an element of surprise as I enter from off stage. Kelly asked about how the transitions happen. This is where I realized that the fire in the belly was back... its in the physical leads that the characters come alive. Each one has a specific physicality that once established, informs the words and makes it feel natural.

For example, the Condessa (a drug addicted faded beauty) is all torsion through her torso. So a twist to the spine and a specific defensive, victim hand gesture triggers her next beat. The Father is dissolute, his spine is slack and the gesture one of need for a cigarette, the boyfriend David is all loose limbed, prep school and country club confidence. He is a smooth mover with grace and agility. Hemingway, takes two steps at a time, is barrel chested and maybe has a prostate kind of thing going on... Katherine Anne herself is light in stature, bird - like by description though incredibly strong on the inside. She has survived things that most would have never been able to brook. Her world is one of fabrication and yet she is completely present. She fidgets with her pearls in an almost constant state of reassurance.

It is so fun to find these physicalities and let them trigger the needs of the character propeling them into the next beat and causing the words to happen.

This is the joy I am experiencing, the territory that I was only able to tap in a surface way before. I am really looking forward to the next show The Love Song of J. Robert Oppenheimer to deepen the work. This time with one character - Kitty Oppenheimer.

The whole process feels as if I have been in a blender. I've been tumbled free of blocks and a carapace that has built up over time. It is humbling and thrilling at the same time...

Okay a vow is a vow...

Hello and oh my god... June 17 was so long ago. I remember somewhere in the distant past a vow to blog at least once a week... so I renew my pledge and get on with it...

Rehearsals were nothing short of illuminating. I am not the same person I was the last time I did a show. What's different? I am married, 50 years old, a business owner, a producer with a track record. All these things taken separately are enough to cause a lot of change in a person's way of showing up in the world. Combined and thrown into an old art form, all hell breaks loose.

I learned so much about myself and am happy to report that I am really glad to be acting again. There were moments, many of them, when the rehearsal schedule was going awry in an un-airconditioned theater, without the benefit of AEA union pay (my first show having left the union), that I thought I would really rather have spent the summer in the mountains relaxing.

Now that we are open I am so glad to be digging in... I play Katherine Anne Porter between the ages of 40 & 60 when she is in the belly of life so to speak. I also play several other characters from her life and the fictionalized versions of them that she used in her extraordinary short stories.

If you are in ABQ, do come out to see us... here's a link to a mention on the albuqueruqeARTS blog Impromptu

More later... for sure.

Time Flies When You Go Underground

Wow. Its been over a month since I posted anything. There is so much to report. I have been on many auditions. Crash is now casting its second season. Went in for a fantastic role that was a recurring. It went to a wonderful actress from LA that I've seen in a lot of things. It was nice to be in the ring for a minute there.

Started rehearsals for Passenger on the Ship of Fools this week. Amazing script based on a moment in the life of Katherine Anne Porter, known as the female equivalent of Hemingway. It is set at the turning point of her life when she was finishing her only novel Ship of Fools.

I have to say, I took a moment outside the theater door when I arrived for the first rehearsal. Its at the Vortex Theater here in Albuquerque. I stood there, looking at the shadow box marquee with the show poster for the current production in it... savoring the feeling that I was walking in to a sacred space. A theater, with dressing rooms, a lobby and concession stand, a green room, a backstage area... wow. The smell, as the front door opened, was like an special incense made for that world; the world of imagination, creation, interpretation, and story. I think its probably what heaven smells like.

Also booked my first movie. Its a short film for the 48 Hour Film Project. Pretty darn excited about that!

Good to feel back in the saddle. I have not been posting because things got sort of nutty. My dear aging JuJu dog has an inoperable tumor that is causing her kidneys to fail. She seems outwardly good, but we are on borrowed time with her now. Our radio world continues to gallop apace. There are new shows in the archive to listen to, which are really fun. Hope you'll take time to visit Art of the Song Creativity Radio.

I don't have to choose, do I?

I've been in the midst of many things lately. It seems that there is always a lot to do, but the most fortunate thing is that I love all of it. Last week was fund drive week at Art of the Song Creativity Radio, which featured a Live event, a grant application and our annual letter to fans who support our mission of encouraging creative expression.

Art of the Song Live from the Filling Station in Albuquerque was too fun. Brad Stoddard and Tony Della Flora (Duke City Shoot Out) put together a team to shoot the event for ABQ's new cable access channel 26 Encantada TV. A four camera shoot is not easy with a lot of lead time and a budget. What they pulled off in three weeks, with no budget was amazing. Can't wait to share it with you when the edit is finished.

What does this have to do with acting? I went to a SAG Converstations program last fall with the cast of Breaking Bad. One thing that was repeated there and I've heard elsewhere a million times, is that if there is something you would rather do than act, then do THAT. It made me wonder... because I love doing my radio show, and I love acting. I think that, while I might never be Terry Gross or Laura Linney, I can live an incredibly fulfilling life being me doing both careers. As a Gemini, choices are stressful things. Both is usually the answer. Except when it comes to dessert...oh yes, and husbands.

Gurney rangling & wild rides

What a trip... I shot the episode of In Plain Sight on Monday. It was really fun... I am a perfectionist and always feel that I could/should have done better. The experience of working at high speed navigating a gurney around two corners and through two sets of double doors while talking in a doctor like fashion was the most valuable exercise. Nothing can prepare one for that except experience. Which I now have! The cast and crew were great. It will air in a couple of weeks, so I'll let you know!

The biggest lesson learned was again about concentration and focus. When that is in place, all the bits and pieces can fall where they may. My performance will have a level of professionalism that is sustainable and leads to more work.

Now here's the greatest challenge... overcoming the mental stuff that wants me to believe that I don't really want to do this "acting thing." It's the voice that made me quit two or three times before. It's the voice of low self esteem that has in the past succeeded in getting me distracted. The distraction manifests as the sudden overwhelming need to start another career, or eat cookies and drink caffeinated beverages. Which would in turn create anxiety and prove to me that I am not cut out for this business. I am grateful to have a really amazing support group that I can express the fears of inadequacy to and move on. Quitting is not an option this time.

I did succumb to a part of a fruit tart and some real ice tea and what a surprise, I was total mess at the end of the night. Another lesson learned. That's small potatoes compared to where we could have gone, yes?

Looking forward... audition today for a movie. Teaching a lot of workshops and getting great creativity coaching clients on board...and its Spring. So beautiful.

and Breathing Out

Just got the call... I am booked to play the doctor on In Plain Sight, shooting this Friday...

and breathing in ...

and breathing out...

and smiling...

a lot...

The Art of Breathing In...

The first acting class I ever went to was in Carmel Valley, CA. A former teacher at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco was giving a one day workshop at a community center there. I think it was 1986. I had been doing a show at the Forest Theater in Carmel and had fallen head over heels in love with the intense concentration of acting. I was managing the Pebble Beach Equestrian Center at the time and would go to my rehearsals sometimes straight from work in my riding boots.

The class was amazing. The first experience I had ever had that allowed me to explore my inner world. One of his instructions, (I wish I could remember his name... it was long and I think French?) was to breathe deeply. After a couple of rounds he stopped everyone and said "Breathing deeply isn't just about breathing out. You all need to learn how to breathe in as deeply as you breathe out."

I share this with you today because of my continued fascination with the concentration of acting, and that, after many years I think I have finally learned how to breathe in...

My wonderful agent Lynette O'Connor (O'Agency) called last night at 7:30 to let me know that I was still in the running for a part on IPS that was being written in and out by the hour. It was actually for the part of the Doctor, that I originally prepared as reported in my last post. The table read is today so my guess is that it went either to the other actor they were considering or it was written out for good...

What this has to do with Breathing In, you ask... in meditation, breathing in is what stokes the fires of spiritual connection. It is the breath of inspiration and the ability to receive the gifts that the universe has in store for us. Abraham/Hicks talks about breathing in, knowing that my emotional escrow of joy and success is there, essentially collecting compound interest. Upon the long, slow, deliscious breath in... I know that it is only a matter of recognizing my successful actor career as witnessed by many bookings... on breathing out I send gratitude for all that I have and all that I have that I can not see as yet. Breathing in allows me to clear my vision, and stay alive in the mystery that we really never know what's around the next corner, or what's going on behind closed doors...

The Drought is Over!

well.... hallelujah. I just got a call from Mother Road Theater Company's Artistic Director Julia Thudium and I've been offered the role of Kitty Oppenheimer in the Love Song of J. Robert Oppenheimer!

So interesting to me... I left the auditions last night in a funk thinking that I had not done a good job of assimilating direction and adjustments. What a relief. I have come close all year. So this feels really good. Kitty is a truly great part and I get to work with my good friend Christopher Hall with a really great company.

I was reading over my post from the other day and had this realization of something so painfully obvious I am embarrassed to share it here. That all those concerns about how I look, my weight, my age etc... have nothing to do with the craft of acting. I don't even think that they have anything to do with the business of acting anymore, really. In the realization I felt this wonderful release of energy, like a great cloud of smoke leaving my body. This sense of freedom in the moment took over. I am now released to focus on the work. Thank you, thank you, thank you.