The Lynn's have it!

Its been a hectic week. One that while not conducive to sitting and writing, it has produced some really valuable things.

First and probably most importantly is that having my Tues/Thurs boundary breached by Art of the Song work and travel days, I have reinforced them with a certain strength of mind and conviction.

Second, and also most important given the opportunity, I have spoken with a couple of insightful people about the project and the conversations have led to an expanded sense of what the piece can become.

Third, and most daunting is that I have committed to having something ready to show at the Filling Station's SOLO fest in July... yes of 2010. I haven't promised something FINISHED. Just something.

I start Lynn Miller's class with two other solo artists on Monday, which will kick it into a whole other gear entirely. Exciting...

Until yesterday, I was really looking at this as an historical piece dealing specifically with Eva's experience. If I do that, I might as well write fiction as so little is known about her other than her poetry and a few journal pages that have been found.

But last night I was visiting with my friend Lynn Hamrick and started telling her some of the stories and experiences I had on my first trip to Ireland. My trip was filled with some hilarious experiences... well in hindsight funny but at the time... kind of a mind f*#&. She leaned forward and looked at me intensely and said, "You have to include ALL of this!"

Eva had great faith and conviction. And loyalty. I had no faith, my convictions were misplaced and loyalty was something that I knew very little about. So the confluence of the two energies created a vortex. It feels right to explore it...

Oh is that what you meant...

I took a workshop this weekend with Jane Jenkins and Janet Hirshenson. I went in with no expectations and guess what! I wasn't disappointed. The experience sort of ripened on me today... mulling over what the feedback was:

You have to get rid of this tentative quality if you are going to really dive into the deep end of the pool...

It resonated... but not really until just now. I see it so clearly. I am always testing the waters and checking myself from simply fully committing to choices. So what I thought was a lukewarm comment about a scene, was a gem of observation from some of the best in the business.

How lucky am I?

seeking perfection in an imperfect art form...

We just finished the second week of our run with The Love Song of J Robert Oppenheimer. Its really cool to feel it maturing and relaxing into a groove. We all know where the changes are, there is no more sense of low grade panic backstage. Its been replaced with a sense of timing and flow.
There's a thing that happens in the theater now ... the air gets a dense feeling to it, as if it has a texture. Every performance is different... carrying with it the emotions and feelings of each cast member.

For that reason, I think its an imperfect art form. Doesn't seem to be possible to "Do It Right." You can say the words in the right order, get on stage at the same time every night, always do the blocking and the physical business that has been planned, but its never the same. Its always evolving, opening and closing, deepening and moving on... That's what makes it so exciting. The dynamic between two performers is always compelling and always a bit different. As much as I want to hit the same notes every night, they are always colored with a slightly different hue, depending on what I have going on... The beauty is, its seems to add depth to the characters.

I have gotten over my fears of total and abject failure. The key was trust. Trusting that I am growing and developing the character, with in the parameters of the directors vision, but growing none the less.

Wondering what is going to happen after closing... no show lined up... probably need a break... do I want one... nope.

The Drought is Over!

well.... hallelujah. I just got a call from Mother Road Theater Company's Artistic Director Julia Thudium and I've been offered the role of Kitty Oppenheimer in the Love Song of J. Robert Oppenheimer!

So interesting to me... I left the auditions last night in a funk thinking that I had not done a good job of assimilating direction and adjustments. What a relief. I have come close all year. So this feels really good. Kitty is a truly great part and I get to work with my good friend Christopher Hall with a really great company.

I was reading over my post from the other day and had this realization of something so painfully obvious I am embarrassed to share it here. That all those concerns about how I look, my weight, my age etc... have nothing to do with the craft of acting. I don't even think that they have anything to do with the business of acting anymore, really. In the realization I felt this wonderful release of energy, like a great cloud of smoke leaving my body. This sense of freedom in the moment took over. I am now released to focus on the work. Thank you, thank you, thank you.