Day two of concentrated work on Eva. Almost finished reading her book of poetry picture to the right.
Biggest difference since the first time I tried this... the internet. I read something confusing, I look it up on Wiki. Amazing material there about both Eva and Kevin Izod O'Doherty. Also able to research in Australia, England, the US and Canada.
And another thing... itunes. Eva set several of her poems to popular music of the time. Including Irish Molly O... which is disturbingly sticky as songs go. Don't try it, just trust me, because if you listen to it you'll call me in the middle of the night cursing...
wrapping up for the day with a timeline, photos adorning my desk and blog, a basket full of research and the bones of an original tune to one of her more heartbreakingly beautiful laments Bridget Cruises to Carolan. Interesting title. Not sure what Cruises means in this instance. I don't think she had a low rider...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I think you can go back...just differently
I am revisiting an idea that I had 18 years ago. To write a one woman show about the life of my great great grandmother Mary Eva Kelly, from County Galway. She was a romantic nationalist poet and her nom de plume was “Eva of the Nation.” She pledged to marry Kevin Izod O’Doherty, a founding member of the Young Irelanders movement that was active in the 1840’s. Kevin was arrested for his activities and was sent to Van Dieman’s Land before they could wed. If you know anything about Irish history then you know of the famine and the troubles that plagued the country at that time. Imagine a young woman growing up in that time, falling in love and waiting 7 years until her love returned... One source said their's was one of the Great Romances of Irish History.
Interesting that today is the first day of Eva in studio and I have no journal prepared to write in... no notebook assigned so I am forced to go on record in this computer.
It is March 16, 2010.
I committed to return to this idea on Feb 15, 2010 at the encouragement of two friends who are both accomplished creators of solo work, Lynn Miller and Courtney Cunningham. They will act as guides in the process as well.
As it happens that particular day was Eva’s Birthday 180th birthday. Feb 15, 1830. Nearly 20 years after my first attempt at writing her story as a one woman show. Support (or rather lack of it) is the thing that stopped me cold the first time... so it is wonderful to know that my husband John, my coach Eric and my neighbor Kathleen are also holding space...
I am going to be working on Eva Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays all day in studio... I am sure that I will have time in between as well.
Today I plan not so much to think about what I did or didn’t do... that is a long tale of traveling to Ireland to research her life and write the play. That is a story that ultimately would have to tell how I bottomed out as an alcoholic instead, and returned to start a new life in New York City and get sober in 1992. Revisiting the play was a painful thing until now, reminding me of my failure to complete it and the depths to which alcoholism took me.
Today it is exciting... joyous and meant to be.
I have cleaned my studio space... Lit candles on the altar, my favorite incense too. and have found two of my favorite Irish music CD’s to listen to while I begin. As suggested by Twyla Tharp I have a basket in which to place all materials that pertain to the project.
All that is in it now is her name...
I am keeping it simple today; starting the process with these three things...
Create a photo collage that will guide me featuring the lineage...
Create a time line
Start a story board of what I remember to be a great start 18 years ago...
More later...
Interesting that today is the first day of Eva in studio and I have no journal prepared to write in... no notebook assigned so I am forced to go on record in this computer.
It is March 16, 2010.
I committed to return to this idea on Feb 15, 2010 at the encouragement of two friends who are both accomplished creators of solo work, Lynn Miller and Courtney Cunningham. They will act as guides in the process as well.
As it happens that particular day was Eva’s Birthday 180th birthday. Feb 15, 1830. Nearly 20 years after my first attempt at writing her story as a one woman show. Support (or rather lack of it) is the thing that stopped me cold the first time... so it is wonderful to know that my husband John, my coach Eric and my neighbor Kathleen are also holding space...
I am going to be working on Eva Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays all day in studio... I am sure that I will have time in between as well.
Today I plan not so much to think about what I did or didn’t do... that is a long tale of traveling to Ireland to research her life and write the play. That is a story that ultimately would have to tell how I bottomed out as an alcoholic instead, and returned to start a new life in New York City and get sober in 1992. Revisiting the play was a painful thing until now, reminding me of my failure to complete it and the depths to which alcoholism took me.
Today it is exciting... joyous and meant to be.
I have cleaned my studio space... Lit candles on the altar, my favorite incense too. and have found two of my favorite Irish music CD’s to listen to while I begin. As suggested by Twyla Tharp I have a basket in which to place all materials that pertain to the project.
All that is in it now is her name...
I am keeping it simple today; starting the process with these three things...
Create a photo collage that will guide me featuring the lineage...
Create a time line
Start a story board of what I remember to be a great start 18 years ago...
More later...
Friday, January 22, 2010
taking small steps...
funny thing about being an actor and a radio host... I am really shy about putting my work out for people to see. So in an effort to lose that self sabotaging shyness I am posting an audition here that I did for a really neat film called A Christmas Snow that required we audition through YouTube and FaceBook... I wish I could get the thumbnail to change... its wicked goofy...
let me know what you think...
let me know what you think...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The Beauty and the Beast...
2009 was an amazing year of discovery for me. I read back over this blog and see that in the year that I have been posting I booked two short films (one lead, one supporting), a day player role on a hit TV show and lead roles in two plays. This feels good to me. Very good.
Along side the work, I also have been doing a lot classes and workshops which have been an important part of my reconnecting to myself as an actor. The fact that I have a second chance is the continued work of angels seen and unseen.
In the workshops I’ve been given a huge range of characters to portray. In one (actually a paid gig to workshop a great new film script) the feedback I received was that I had a very feminine vibe, fragile and interesting, similar to Juliet Binoche... in another casting workshop I was given a part for seriously broad comedy a la Sandy Martin. On one hand fragile beauty, on the other, comedic character lady. My ego loves the first one of course and feels betrayed by the second. But my actor self is thrilled by the prospect that, with a little more work, I could pull off both, raising my booking potential exponentially.
It reminds me of an experience I had in India. I was at a teaching with His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. As you may know... India is hard on a body. Really hard. It was a cold morning and I was deep in thought about the teaching. During a tea break, I got up to stretch my legs and as I navigated the thousands of people (Westerners, Asians, Tibetans, Indians and more) I ran into a friend. She looked concerned and said, “Viv, are you okay? You look really worn down! Be careful... get some rest.” I took it to heart and kept working my way to the back of the tent. About ten steps later I ran into another friend who grasped my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes saying, “Viv! You look radiant! This experience is clearly good for you!”
I call this the Emptiness of Viv’s Face. Maybe this could become my greatest asset as an actor. To create a character and then let the audience alone to choose their own experience. To disappear into the neutral zone between dualities and let the viewer decide.
To be both ... this is my quest...
Along side the work, I also have been doing a lot classes and workshops which have been an important part of my reconnecting to myself as an actor. The fact that I have a second chance is the continued work of angels seen and unseen.
In the workshops I’ve been given a huge range of characters to portray. In one (actually a paid gig to workshop a great new film script) the feedback I received was that I had a very feminine vibe, fragile and interesting, similar to Juliet Binoche... in another casting workshop I was given a part for seriously broad comedy a la Sandy Martin. On one hand fragile beauty, on the other, comedic character lady. My ego loves the first one of course and feels betrayed by the second. But my actor self is thrilled by the prospect that, with a little more work, I could pull off both, raising my booking potential exponentially.
It reminds me of an experience I had in India. I was at a teaching with His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. As you may know... India is hard on a body. Really hard. It was a cold morning and I was deep in thought about the teaching. During a tea break, I got up to stretch my legs and as I navigated the thousands of people (Westerners, Asians, Tibetans, Indians and more) I ran into a friend. She looked concerned and said, “Viv, are you okay? You look really worn down! Be careful... get some rest.” I took it to heart and kept working my way to the back of the tent. About ten steps later I ran into another friend who grasped my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes saying, “Viv! You look radiant! This experience is clearly good for you!”
I call this the Emptiness of Viv’s Face. Maybe this could become my greatest asset as an actor. To create a character and then let the audience alone to choose their own experience. To disappear into the neutral zone between dualities and let the viewer decide.
To be both ... this is my quest...
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Will you still love me when I'm 64
I am taking a workshop this weekend that is really great. Chris Cuilla and Chadwick Struck are leading a really practical approach to building and maintaining a career as an actor in the regional markets here in Albuquerque as well as in Los Angeles. Its a lot of information and its really great to go over the nuts and bolts of the biz. Chris talks about reasonable goal setting and Chadwick will be auditioning us tomorrow and giving feedback. Its a great workshop and I highly recommend it.
For Christmas I received a book from my step - father that I swear, if it had been written before 2000 I would never have left New York on my wild tangent that took me to New Mexico.
(But then again, if I hadn't have done that I wouldn't have met my beloved husband, nor would I have my own syndicated public radio show on over 225 stations nationwide... so some tangents are fruitful. But I digress...again)
This book is called Working on the Inside: The Spiritual Life through the Eyes of Actors
If this had been available I would not have left the business for 7 years. The book interviews artists like Liam Neeson, Kristin Chenoweth, Phylicia Rashad and more about the way they balance their lives as working actors.
You see, the craft of acting is a creative path and a spiritual path for me. It has all the same components of ritual, silence, listening, transcendence (one hopes) and communion with something mysterious and complete. The book is giving me reason to hope that I'll be celebrating my 65 birthday with a really solid imdb page of credits and a deep sense of satisfaction of a career well balanced with life.
For Christmas I received a book from my step - father that I swear, if it had been written before 2000 I would never have left New York on my wild tangent that took me to New Mexico.
(But then again, if I hadn't have done that I wouldn't have met my beloved husband, nor would I have my own syndicated public radio show on over 225 stations nationwide... so some tangents are fruitful. But I digress...again)
This book is called Working on the Inside: The Spiritual Life through the Eyes of Actors
If this had been available I would not have left the business for 7 years. The book interviews artists like Liam Neeson, Kristin Chenoweth, Phylicia Rashad and more about the way they balance their lives as working actors.
You see, the craft of acting is a creative path and a spiritual path for me. It has all the same components of ritual, silence, listening, transcendence (one hopes) and communion with something mysterious and complete. The book is giving me reason to hope that I'll be celebrating my 65 birthday with a really solid imdb page of credits and a deep sense of satisfaction of a career well balanced with life.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Oh is that what you meant...
I took a workshop this weekend with Jane Jenkins and Janet Hirshenson. I went in with no expectations and guess what! I wasn't disappointed. The experience sort of ripened on me today... mulling over what the feedback was:
You have to get rid of this tentative quality if you are going to really dive into the deep end of the pool...
It resonated... but not really until just now. I see it so clearly. I am always testing the waters and checking myself from simply fully committing to choices. So what I thought was a lukewarm comment about a scene, was a gem of observation from some of the best in the business.
How lucky am I?
You have to get rid of this tentative quality if you are going to really dive into the deep end of the pool...
It resonated... but not really until just now. I see it so clearly. I am always testing the waters and checking myself from simply fully committing to choices. So what I thought was a lukewarm comment about a scene, was a gem of observation from some of the best in the business.
How lucky am I?
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Sigh...
I just went back through my posts to see when it was that I actually got cast in The Love Song of J Robert Oppenheimer and it was six months ago... and we just closed tonight. Such an amazing experience.
The opportunity to work with a cast that was so committed to the play and each other's well being was very special. The work just deepened and deepened. The connections on stage really sang.
I fell in love. With each member of the cast, with the craft, the directors and the whole crew. That peaceful kind of rich love that gives you the sense that you are walking in grace. The quiet kind, that says yup this here is where the real work happens.
The amazing thing is for me, I was finally able to use life experiences that I have held at bay because they were so hot for so long that they were unpredictable and would run away with me. I would not allow myself to go to the dark places required to inform my work because I couldn't channel it successfully to the given circumstances of the play. It would lead to general emotions of what I call "broad stroke anger" or "broad stroke grief" that lacked dimension and delineation. In Oppenheimer, I was finally able to use these old betrayals, fears, anger and grief and have them fall into service of my art.
There was a scene in which I confront Oppie about his dead mistress... To do so in any way that was real I had to revisit my own experience of betrayal. I felt like I was cheating when I tried to do substitutions and the Magic Ifs... always skirting around the truth of where those emotions live for me. So I took the plunge. 40 years ago I learned that my father had been having an affair with a woman. It explained the mysterious disappearances, some strange behaviors and a lot of drinking. The confrontation ended ultimately with his suicide. I found him in the garage. Not surprising that I haven't been able to touch it ... it is fucking brutal territory. But in this show, thanks to prep in class with Price and Eb last winter, and the deep trust I had for my directors and cast mates... I was able to use this experience in service to the character. Still hurts like a certain ring of Dante's Hell and I am at a loss as to know which one... but is was at last useful... and that is healing... that all that emotion is now available to serve instead of destroy...
The unexpected part is this... Now that I can use the brutal experiences, that thick layer of protective gauze that has enveloped my work for years... okay decades... the one that made me quit for seven years because it hurt too much to peel it away ... has now been removed. The result is the joyous emotions are all that much more joyous, the love is all the much more loving and the pain has a raison d'etre...
Its better than therapy and much much more gratifying... I am alive to talk about it...
The opportunity to work with a cast that was so committed to the play and each other's well being was very special. The work just deepened and deepened. The connections on stage really sang.
I fell in love. With each member of the cast, with the craft, the directors and the whole crew. That peaceful kind of rich love that gives you the sense that you are walking in grace. The quiet kind, that says yup this here is where the real work happens.
The amazing thing is for me, I was finally able to use life experiences that I have held at bay because they were so hot for so long that they were unpredictable and would run away with me. I would not allow myself to go to the dark places required to inform my work because I couldn't channel it successfully to the given circumstances of the play. It would lead to general emotions of what I call "broad stroke anger" or "broad stroke grief" that lacked dimension and delineation. In Oppenheimer, I was finally able to use these old betrayals, fears, anger and grief and have them fall into service of my art.
There was a scene in which I confront Oppie about his dead mistress... To do so in any way that was real I had to revisit my own experience of betrayal. I felt like I was cheating when I tried to do substitutions and the Magic Ifs... always skirting around the truth of where those emotions live for me. So I took the plunge. 40 years ago I learned that my father had been having an affair with a woman. It explained the mysterious disappearances, some strange behaviors and a lot of drinking. The confrontation ended ultimately with his suicide. I found him in the garage. Not surprising that I haven't been able to touch it ... it is fucking brutal territory. But in this show, thanks to prep in class with Price and Eb last winter, and the deep trust I had for my directors and cast mates... I was able to use this experience in service to the character. Still hurts like a certain ring of Dante's Hell and I am at a loss as to know which one... but is was at last useful... and that is healing... that all that emotion is now available to serve instead of destroy...
The unexpected part is this... Now that I can use the brutal experiences, that thick layer of protective gauze that has enveloped my work for years... okay decades... the one that made me quit for seven years because it hurt too much to peel it away ... has now been removed. The result is the joyous emotions are all that much more joyous, the love is all the much more loving and the pain has a raison d'etre...
Its better than therapy and much much more gratifying... I am alive to talk about it...
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